How To Communicate With Your Twin Flame When You’re Royally Pissed!
We’ve all been there. Maybe some of you are there right now.
You’re pissed. He/she has said/done/implied something that has you majorly up in arms. I don’t deserve this! This isn’t the way he/she should be! I’ve had it! (Sound familiar?)
Then you rattle off that angry email/text/phone message and…voila! We all know how well this goes (not).
So…what to do instead?
I’ve been angry today. Not at Remi (lucky him haha) but at others. Something well-meaning I wrote inspired a few angry emails, one of them feeling really insulting and unfair. I had decided not to respond, then my more primitive side took over and I was busy crafting a beautifully redemptive email. I could feel the heat and “righteous anger” building — the fire in the belly — and luckily my higher wiser self kicked in and I hit the pause button.
What came to mind was Kali and Durga — two goddesses who are different aspects of each other. I’ll tell you their stories because they are important goddesses (we believe) for all twin flames.
The Hindu story goes like this: the gods and the demons are battling for the heavens and Earth, and the battle has been going on for a very long time. The demons have some wonderful tricks up their sleeves and are winning the battle, kicking the gods out of heaven one by one, disturbing the balance of light and dark.
Finally, the gods decide to call a council and see what they need to do. After putting their heads together, they realize “we forgot the feminine!” and together they call upon the great Goddess, as yet unmanifest, to come help them in this epic battle.
The Goddess shows up as Durga: radiant, in her full sensual power, riding a tiger. She has many arms, and the gods, wowed by her energy, hand her their weapons one by one. Calmly, in her truth, restoring balance, she rides through the battle ground, slaying the demons one by one.
She is not angry, only very very clear: these demons have too much power; they have upset the balance with their tricks; they need to go. She is able to slay all of the demons but one, a buffalo demon who has a special power: when he is injured, every drop of blood that hits the ground births a new form of him.
Durga realizes something else is needed, and from her forehead is born Kali. Kali is not beautiful, or sensual, or calm — she is royally pissed! She wears a necklace of skulls, her skin is blue, her hair is Medusa-like, and she has a long, pointed tongue. Kali goes to work on the buffalo demon, and as his blood spills, Kali’s tongue catches it before it hits the ground; she is victorious and kills the demon.
The problem is, Kali can’t stop. She is so filled with rage, she continues to go through the land, destroying everything in her path. What finally stops her is Shiva, her beloved, who offers her his vulnerability by laying in her path and displaying his naked throat, hers to kill. This act of love and vulnerability wakes her up: she stops and comes back to consciousness.
Back to my story: by the fire in my belly, by the anger I was feeling, I recognized I was in Kali energy. Shiva woke me up. He reminded me that no email ever sent by Kali brings peace, or redemption, or anything but a very likely battle and some very wounded feelings.
So I breathed. And I called in Durga. I asked for the Kali energy, the anger, to be transmuted into calm power. I waited until I felt it, then I asked Durga what she wanted to say in this email.
Her answer: nothing.
And I realized she was right. When people are angry with you, when they act out, when they sent hurtful messages or do hurtful things, you will feel it, then you have a choice what to do.
Do you want to retaliate, to get back at them, to defend yourself?
Or can you take that energy and move it into your power center and act and speak from there?
When your twin flame hurts you next time, go ahead and feel as royally pissed, as Kali as you want, then ask for that energy to go into calm power, into Durga, and see what you really want to say.
Sometimes Durga does have something to say: you hurt me, I’m scared, I’m upset. But she will not blast the beloved, she will not blame and make unkind statements and accusations, she will not push and drive the beloved away with her fiery rage and her sharp tongue.
The only way to stop Kali is through consciousness and vulnerability, by going into our heart, by being willing to feel what lies underneath the anger.
As soon as I felt this shift into Durga regarding my angry email, I felt like crying. What I was really feeling was hurt, not anger. When we share our hurt, our vulnerability, the world (and certainly our beloved) responds very differently.
Kali requires cleanup and damage repair; always. Durga does a nice clean job.
To be clear: we have Kali for a reason, and we need her when we are deeply threatened or need to, say, slay a buffalo demon.
But Kali quite frankly sucks at relationship and tends to destroy trust, openness, and love. Durga can do both: power and love.
She is the goddess who is married to truth, real truth, and she will serve you so much better with your twin flame.
Be in your power, but be in your vulnerability and your heart too. Lead the way with Durga; she is a wise and wonderful ally and she’s changed my life in many ways. Let her in and see what she does for you (and let her write your emails for you!).
(Ironically, one of the accusations in the email that hurt me was that Remi and I “pretend to have no flaws.” Au contraire, our critic: we embrace these stories we tell that make us vulnerable to you as we share our foibles and our learnings and our very real flaws. That is Durga. That is us. And that is all I need to say).
Thank you, Shiva. Thank you Durga. And thank you, Kali, for being there when we need you to slay a buffalo demon and for leaving the communication with our beloved to Durga. Blessed be!
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